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Silence in Chaos
There is silence, but only in my mind. In reality, I hear visceral sobs broken by sharp gasps and mumbled words in Urdu I cannot understand carried by an emotion I can only imagine. The silence leaves me kneeling beside this nameless man, my hand on his back, attempting to provide unspoken comfort I know…
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Finding Comfort
My heart is aching. An ache so deep there lies a burning weight in my chest that brings static to my brain, a lump to my throat, the sting of tears to my nose, and burning to my eyes. The sensation associated with teetering on the edge of emotional release takes over, followed by a…
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Painted Socks
It’s laundry day. My first day off after a week picking up over time at the hospital, when it’s time to pull my life together. I blindly dig out the last clean pair of socks I have right now from the back of my drawer. Spots of gray paint decorate them in a careless pattern…
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Core Memories
6:00pm on a Tuesday night, both my roommates bundle up to head off to the hospital for their night shifts. I sit finishing my dinner while chatting with my mom on the phone, the kind of conversation I could take part in forever, excited to have a few mid-week days off to myself. I tidy…
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A Nurse-Specific Holidaze
Maybe it’s the COVID brain fog that continues to linger in my head as my roommate and I start our umteenth quarantine movie, or maybe it’s an ache for caffeine, but my holidaze is rearing its head and setting up camp for longer than I anticipated. The past few weeks have been an incredible whirlwind…
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Gatsby
Lately I’ve felt myself drift into autopilot. Performing day to day tasks with little to no enjoyment. Taking care of basic human needs and functions not because I wanted to, but because I felt I needed to. Going to work and giving it my all only to come home and scrape by with the bare…
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Apartments in View
Five o’clock rolls around with the sun already setting, a gentle reminder of the winter looming ahead. I finish loading the dishwasher and cleaning the countertops. Lighting a candle and tossing my book on the coffee table, I throw on one of my favorite playlists and wrap myself in a blanket to claim my favorite…
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One Journal Entry (of many)
“The sunrise on the train is beautiful, still low in the sky, sharing the occasional glimmer each time we speed past a stretch of water. The gentle side to side shake of the train is soothing, making my handwriting perfectly messy and nearly lulling me to sleep, especially this early in the morning. A family…
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Loss: the Perspective of a New Nurse
Last night I stepped into my bathroom for the mundane, repetitive act of getting ready for bed. The moment I splashed water on my face I was surprised to find that my face was wet with tears as well. I thought I would’ve cried by now, 30 hours had already passed. People don’t talk about…
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Molly Carroll 